Girl Unaffiliated: Things to Make Confetti out of When Life Doesn't Seem Real

There’s something about confetti that makes having ruined your life seem okay. It’s a release of that pesky “call of the void” feeling without needing to take any radical measures. Knocking all of the cereal boxes off of the shelf at your local grocery store, throwing large pieces of furniture off of high balconies, and screaming at the top of your lungs into stranger’s faces may not be socially acceptable, but throwing hundreds of colorful squares into the air is! 

• Flowers. Nature's confetti! Pick 'em, rip 'em, flick 'em.
• Blank printer paper. For the minimalist confetti-thrower. This one might not appeal to the eco-friendly, but is it really a waste if you're having fun?
• Old (or new!) exams/papers/notes/assignments/textbooks. This one is especially relevant to students, like myself, who are in the throes of the educational bureaucracy. It's almost as though you're giving your professor a grade! A grade made of confetti. To symbolize how they've ripped apart your passions, goals, dreams, etc. A great after-school activity! (Though crying onto this confetti adds an interesting texture, I do not recommend it as the tears hinder optimum throwing ability.)
•  Nail cuttings. Ask a nearby nail salon to start saving their colorful clippings. Not only will you have a beautiful range of diverse confetti and bacteria, you'll also have the warm satisfaction of knowing that you recycled!
• Flakes of skin. Got a scab you've been itching at? Put those crusty platelets to better use than healing and preventing infection!
• The organs of your enemies. Not sure how to get rid of the evidence? No easily accessible ravines, ditches, or rivers? This can be a great, festive solution!
• Literally anything. If you can break it up into small pieces and use it to decorate your steadily deteriorating life, spreading cheer throughout the wreckage, you have yourself some confetti!

​Happy throwing.
GU